wat bout pragnant strippers??
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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