I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
