Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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