i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Panties = found
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
