Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I could make wine with my vomit
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
