We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
