So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
