Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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