I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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