i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
