I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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