Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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