At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
