I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
