if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
