we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
