This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.