hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight