Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.