someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
