I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just forgot I was standing up.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
