the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
