spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
