yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
