How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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