Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
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She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
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Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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