It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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