i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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