Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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