Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
