I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
