I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
