Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
