Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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