If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
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Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
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I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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