you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
