You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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