Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
