i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just cropdusted the office
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
