Will you blow on my dice?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
