at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
