I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
