His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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