It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
