i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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