I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
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