we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
