people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Dear god my vagina.
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