There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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