New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You took a bar mat shot.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
