So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
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I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
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He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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