he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
