I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
