i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
