They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
