im holly from the hills drunk
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize