I want to walk on stilts...naked
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
