The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
