Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
