then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My sheets look like a crime scene.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Randomize
