you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
