you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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