he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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