thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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