She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
this hospital has no fireball
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
