Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
