dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
