I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
