dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
