He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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